Oh, fuck the snow, that frozen blight,
That drifts and falls to choke the night.
Each flake’s a bastard, cold and sly,
Mocking as it fills the sky.
I hate that shit—so pure, so white—
A smug, icy fuck, devoid of light.
It buries streets, it blocks my door,
It turns my world into a goddamn chore.
Shovels break, my back does too,
While frost laughs, “Oh, here’s more for you!”
The roads are slick, the cars won’t start,
And winter rips my soul apart.
Snow’s a bastard, a cruel little shit,
Turning peace into chaos bit by bit.
It nips my face with biting sneers,
Freezing my toes and sparking my tears.
Those fluffy flakes? They’re hell disguised,
A powdery plague that terrorized.
Frostbit fingers, a cursed commute,
I’d melt the fucker if I could shoot.
Fuck your wonderland, your cozy glee,
Snow’s a goddamned catastrophe.
Its beauty’s fake, a deceitful tease,
A cold white monster, sent to freeze.
So here’s my rant, my icy disdain,
For this frosty shitstorm that brings such pain.
May spring come swift, its warmth restore,
And fuck the snow forevermore.
Snow, You Absolute Piece of Shit
Oh, snow, you frosty asshole, here you come again,
Fucking up my morning, driving me insane.
You think you’re so goddamn pretty, all glitter and glow,
But you’re just frozen fuckery, and I hope you fucking know.
Each flake’s a smug bastard, falling from the sky,
A sparkling, icy dickhead, and I don’t know why.
Why the fuck are you here? What joy do you bring?
Just slush, chaos, and misery—go fuck yourself, spring.
My car’s a block of ice, my steps are a trap,
One slip and I’m face-first in your cold, white crap.
The roads are a circus, with crashes galore,
All thanks to you, snow, you insufferable whore.
You clog up the sidewalks, you bury my dreams,
And you freeze my poor fingers till I just want to scream.
You piss on my plans with your relentless chill,
You cold-hearted bastard, I hate you, I will.
Fuck your snowflakes, unique, they say—
Unique my ass, just more shit in my way.
You’re a frigid little shit-storm, a frozen attack,
And I’d trade you for rain in a heartbeat, no lack.
So shove your drifts where the sun doesn’t shine,
And fuck off to Antarctica—it’s where you belong, swine.
I’m done with your bullshit, your cold little games,
Snow, you’re the devil, and I’m calling you names.
May you melt in a blaze, and never return,
To your frosty fuckery, I’ll happily adjourn.
Because snow, you fucking nightmare, let it be known—
You’re the worst fucking thing this world’s ever known.